What was that sound? Was there a bird? Was there a child crying? Slowly, he began to pull himself out of his sleep and recognize his alarm. Could it already be morning? He felt his body yearn to return to the blissful unconsiousness of sleep, and had to fight every urge his body to not hit the "snooze" button. As he opened his eyes, it slowly started to dawn on him.

Tears welled in his eyes as he looked in the bathroom mirror...asking silently to himself and then louder until his hands reached up to the mirror and as he screamed in agony "Why?" he felt the glass cracking beneath his fist. Why had she taken his children?

So they would no longer be the loves of each others lives - or the lives of all their neighbors and friends who had watched them grow-up, graduate highschool, marry and have their three beautiful children. Did this give her rights to them that he did not have? Why were they not allowed to stay in their own beds as she walked out the door of his life?

Yep, it was Mr. Frietag, reminding him to close the deal at the firm meeting. For a moment he stood there and thought about how much he hated his work - how much he hated everything about it, from its bland cream walls to its fancy furniture to its fake smiles up and down the hallway. After all, work was the one that took away his family, wasn't it? He tried to let himself believe that it was his work that let his family down, his work that neglected to love them - but deep in his heart, Cal knew that it was he who could not take care of his family, and that, as much as he refused to acknowledge it, his wife deserved better than he was being to her. But it was never supposed to be this way! No! He was supposed to be the perfect man; the man he was in their first years of marriage. He never put work over her, but his success became the best of him and it grew and grew until it was the only thing he wanted to pursue. He knew he couldn't blame this upon anyone but himself.

...or maybe not. Cal felt lost.

He wrestled his tie off and threw it on the bed. Walking back out to the kitchen, he grabbed a broom and dustpan and cleaned up all the glass in the bathroom. He paused for a moment to look at his cracked reflection in the mirror.

"Time to pick up the pieces."

The broken man in the mirror didn't answer.

Cal dumped the glass into the kitchen trashcan. He was returning the broom and dustpan to the closet when his inner-self won its struggle with his emotions and telegraphed him of the change. Cal walked back into the bedroom and picked up his cell phone. Holding it like a dead mouse, he poised it over the toilet, closed his eyes, and released.

Plop.

He looked down and watched as the device bubbled for a moment, gasping for breath as its display dimmed, then went dark.

Calvin Hobbs, it seemed, had finally found himself.

With a deep sigh, Cal lifted himself off the bed. He put back on his tie and left the empty house  - no longer a home. He would find a way but for now as always worked called. Walking down the front steps Cal notice an old homeless woman pushing her overflowing shopping cart. "Tough day dearie?"

Cal could not believe the question and retorted, "You have no idea".

"Drowned your cell phone. Now no way to call the family. All alone" came her reply.

Cal was stunned how could she know what had just taken place in his bathroom just minutes before.

"Broken man, all alone" were words that Cal did not want to hear.

Turning he shout for her to leave him alone but he was meet with a toothless grin, "Oh No dearie, you needed me".

Slowly she her cart out from behind Cal's car. He would have to learn the hard way. What could an old toothless homeless woman teach this man about needing people. And he did not recognize her.

Mother's, even crazy ones, can have that sixth sense and know when something is wrong with their kids. Cal had not seen her in more than a decade and the years had worn on her. As she pushed her cart down the sidewalk following the manicured lawns of the big suburban homes just outside of downtown Chicago...she knew their paths would cross again soon.

As he set home, he wrestled with the idea back and forth, knowing that he would be crazy to just take off into the wild. Cal had never done anything like this; all his life, he stayed on track, doing exactly what he was supposed to do. He studied in high school to go to college, crammed through college to get into law school, and graduated law school to become a lawyer, get married, buy a house, and have kids. The perfect American life. Leaving the suburban life was completely foreign to his markless life - but then again, maybe it was that stirring in his sould that intrigued and stimulated him so deeply. Layer by layer, he began to step out of his shell into the corridors of his imagination, planning what it could be like to leave everything behind. After all, at this point, he had nothing to lose... right?

But once again, Cal was wrong. As he arrived at his home, he was greeted by a woman standing quietly on the porch... it was his wife.

"I didn't know your wife had a twin sister, Cal."

The words broke the long silence and immediately snapped Cal back to his Tuesday afternoon session. His eyes continued pouring over the designs on the carpet. It was a little trick, tracing his gaze along the intricate patterns to calm himself. The therapy within the therapy, he thought. It was all he could do sometimes to cope with the feelings of confinement that consumed him within the cramped corner office, now streaked with dusty shafts of late autumn sun.

Dr. Julius Freitag sat across from him, with his notepad open, all to ready to continue cataloguing Cal's mental frailties. Call looked up, his mind reeling, struggling to hold it all together as he mumbled a response, "She doesn't."

Dr. Freitag studied him, smiling with some small measure of smugness, pleased with his own professional acumen. Cal noted it, another subtle reminder of life's indignities. But he knew  he needed to grin and bear the good doctor's boundless ego.

And the two Frietags came to mind. Yes they were the twins. Mr. Frietag my boss, and Dr. Frietag my shrink. How had I become so trapped between the worlds of my mind and work. The bridge was closer...just ahead, but then he also saw something familiar. 

He remebered her cart from earlier in the day. As he slowed down he saw the red woolen scarf and her toothless smile. She waved...why did she look familiar now, and not just because she had blocked his car the other day in the drive way. 

Although he had slowed enough to recognize the old woman, Cal was not paying attention and drove his Corvette right into one of the bride columns. His head bounced off the steering wheel and then lay in the center with blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. His eyes were shut, and her face came to him from her younger days. He recognized her now, as he was transported to another time...and not the Amazon.

She reached into the car window and called 911 from Cal's cell phone. 

Cal could not get her face out of his head. The memory never really faded from his thoughts.   After all these years he thought, why would she come back? Why would she come back now? Just when I have lost it all? It had been forty years since he watched his mother walk out the door in that same red scarf, just as his wife did.  The only difference is she left not only her husband but also her children.  "I must be losing it", Cal whispered in disbelief. Cal shakes his head frantikly, "I gotta get out of my head!" He scrambled to find his briefcase and coat in the car.  Smoothing out his hair, Cal walked head down toward the city, hoping that someone would stop to give him a ride. Praying that his day would get better.  As he turns to see what traffic is behind him a car pulled up to him and a window slowly went down.  "Need a ride stranger?" a deep scratchy voice asked....

As the car slowed to stop for a red light, Cal's hand reached for the door handle. He pushed open the door and ran from the car as fast as he could. His head was swirling, arms pinwheeling over his head to help carry him from one block to the next. The strangers on the street paused to look at the crazy, blood-cover man making an escape from some unseen deamon. Out of breath Cal found himself sitting on a bench in one of the city's many parks. He was stunned as he looked up and headed right for him was the homeless woman, his mother. With shakey legs he stood, "Why now". "Why are you back in my life after all these years?" "Why did you leave me?'

The woman stopped her shopping cart in front of him. "Here you go" she handed Cal a dirty handkerchief. From her cart she pulled out a ticket. "You need this now".

Cal looked down. He was holding a one way ticket to the Amazon Rain Forest. He looked up and his mother was slowly making her way up the street.

"You didn't really shoot anyone, now did you, Cal?"

Dr. Freitag's words snapped him back once more. Tuesday afternoon, 3:30. The dusty shafts of late autumn sun.  "No. No, I guess I didn't... but I wanted to."

"You don't even own a gun, do you?"

Call shook his head, the absurdity of the situation taking hold, and finally calming his mind.

"No, no gun." Cal fiddled with something in his hands absentmindedly. A passport.

Dr. Freitag jotted something in his book before pausing to choose his next words, "So, who do you think the woman was, at your door, when you arrived home?"

Cal shook his head, bemused, "I don't know, I think she was a sales woman or something."

Cal thought back, the object he'd removed from his coat wasn't a Glock-17, but a new cellphone, to replace the one he'd "drowned" earlier in the day.

"Are you familiar with the term "projecting", Cal?"

Dr. Freitag's question roused Cal once more from his exceedingly contemplative state... He met the psychiatrist's stare...

For the first time that day, it seemed that something was going his way. He caught a cab. Not an easy task on any given day, but moreso difficult at rush hour.  The cab driver, when he spoke, seemed to reflect a South American dialict - perhaps this is real - this time he will go.    Traffic stalled and his mind wandered to the life ahead. His fingers tapped nervously as he longed to be at the airport. He'd waited much too long.  This time he would make it. It was no longer a childhood dream - not being controlled by his mother or that other one - now it was his life. In his fantasy he saw his new sexy muse - tall, blond, intoxicating with her laugh. Jungle magic. 

It started to rain. He nudged the cabbie - what's the hold-up, he thought? The cabbie turned around.

Cal hopped out of the cab. This has been one strange day. He was half expecting to see the black and white avatar of Rod Serling appear in front of him at any moment. "Meet Calvin Hobbs", Rod would say between puffs of his cigarette. "A man who has lost complete control of his life and his mind". Cal was nudged out of his reverie by a shout. A young red haired girl flashed by him. "Ewww, get away, get away!" she shrieked. A young blond haird boy was fast on her heels. He was holding his right arm aloft, with what appeared to be a mouse by the tail between his fingers. Cal stood and watched them for a moment. A grin crept across his face as he thought about his own little girl and boy. He wondered where they were and what they were doing at this moment.

But wait, there was an accident... 

As he stared at the tiger, his pocket rang. His new phone. He answered, "Cal." and that scratchy voice of the third person was on the line.

"Do you have the ticket Cal?" Cal did not respond. The voice continued.

"Go Cal". Grab the tiger, you'll need him. Grab the tiger and go!" The voice ended and there was a click. A very loud click, that prompted Cal to run forward, push anyone out of the way. He grabbed his friend from beneath the bus, to take with him to the amazon. He ran.

His eyes came back into focus as he stared down at the tiger in his left hand. He was still carrying his briefcase in his right. He balanced the two. The symbol of his childhood memories in one hand and the career that he wanted to leave behind in his right. A gruff voice next to him spoke, "Excuse me sir, your briefcase is open". Cal looked down. It's an open and shut case, he giggled to himself. Just then, the case burst open, spilling its contents on the sidewalk. Old legal briefs, pens, and other papers hit the ground. As Cal knelt to rescue his property, his eyes focused on two photographs. One was of his children, the other of his mother. He reached for them and held them close. As he looked into the eyes of his kin, tears began to flow from his own. Cal dropped to his knees, clutching the pictures close to his chest. He rocked slowly back and forth, as he began to sob.

The phone rang and rang. Cal waited for someone to answer and then realized he was dialing from the phone he had dumped in the toilet.  "This totally sums up my life" Cal thought to himself as he waited for somone to answer. The doorbell rang startling Cal out of his blur - "What? Who's there?"

Cal opened the door and there stood his son and daughter but where was there mother... "Dad, Something happened to mom" came from his daughter. "We lookec everywhere and we cant find her".

Through his sobs Cal's son aske, "Can you help us?"

Suddenly, the voice sounded in his head, loud, clear and full of authority. "Cal, don't turn into your mother."  His mother had abandoned him. The scars never healed and now, he was doing the same thing.   He heard sobbing and frantic knocks at the door "Dad, we need your help."  Hero, no, he's not a hero, but maybe this was his chance to be a dad - a father. As his world crumbled apart - maybe he couldn't be the hero, but he doesn't have to run.

Slowly he opened the door, again, and ushered his distraught children inside.  The woman on the porch, no signs of her. A sigh of relief. "Come inside," he said. "We need to call the police." And maybe he, Cal, needed to call Dr. Freitag.  He looked for the phone, then saw that hand-made ticket on the table. What about the Amazon?  How did he get here?  Life was out of control? What is he, a father, a failure, a killer?  What was going on, and now what should he do?

As the door closed behind him, Cal felt a sense of accomplishment and completion. He had done for his children what his mother had not done for him; he had stayed despite wanting to leave. His children, as if sensing his victory, looked back at him and smiled as they walked up the aisle. He beamed back at them, feeling proud of himself for what felt like the first time in his life.

The bus was pretty full, so Cal found a seat for the kids and stood next to them, holding on to the handrail while the bus lurched forward. He felt good; perhaps better than he had felt in years. He was doing right by his kids, doing the thing he had been most afraid of failing at through his entire adult life. He was being a good father. And he made a commitment to himself right then that no matter what happened from now on, being a good father would be the most important thing in the world to him.

Which made him think of something: where WAS his wife?

This new life was exactly what Cal needed to break free of everything.  His demanding job, the lose of his life, and the inevitable loss of everything he loved.  Feeling the warmth of the sun on his face Cal spends most of his days swinging in a hammock.  He loves the smells here,  he feels free and able to be himself. But this is not for long. 

During a rainy evening Cal and his family sleeped huddled together in their hut.  The howling winds make the hut feel lik eit is about to blow away and lighting is so close they can here the crack of it on the trees.  The kids cry and hold Cal and Vivian tightly.  Cal closes his eyes and feels scared.  He thinks back to the day that he lost his family and sqeezes them tighter, knowing this could be it.  After it all, after he has finally felt happiness;  he will lose his family again.