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A car drove around the nearby corner and for a moment the headlights of the vehicle was aimed right at where I was standing in a snow pile, trapping me with its white beam of light. I shuddered but I could not move. The memory came back, no, the memories. Grahams voice, his last shriek of terror and anxiety as his death approached, and my hand swinging the metal bar.

The anger in me had been let loose that day, I could not let it be unleashed ever again. It was my fault. A decent judge and maybe an expensive lawyer would convince people of the opposite but I would know the truth and that was enough.

“They can´t catch me” I whispered defiantly as the car finished it´s turn and then accelerated down the cold windy street. Once again I was standing in darkness, my head and thoughts were always black these days so I felt good to finally be surrounded by what my mind consisted of. Cold, dark snow and beneath it, the hard soil and the promise of a final restplace. Tired, so very tired.
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This particular man was no one else than the champion of barrelwrestling, eight-times winner in an epic drinking game with his best four paw friend and a deck of cards all those year ago and humble but honest person, James Underwood.

James was no one special, at least if you asked his mum (who in 9th grade has asked what was wrong because of his top grades), but still he could sort of understand his mums angle.

His only friend, during this trip was supposed to have been his loyal and loveable dog Angie who because of a knee injury had to have been left at home. And how lucky fate would make it since that would do two things. First, it would spare James from the pain of seeing the convulsions and pain that Angie would suffer when she experienced her first and last heart attack in a dog (she died in his mum’s hallway as the woman wondered if the pee stain from Angie could be washed away). Secondly, it would make the friendship between the squirrel and James possible


Yeah, something was odd.

Cam unpacked her schoolbag on the kitchen table while she listened and answered to her parents inquiring questions about how her school day had been. She knew their worries by now, they had moved to this neighborhood four months ago and though she had no objections to it, Cam´s parents were watching their daughter closely.

Some kids went through school with nothing but the same usual troubles (first love,petty fights with friends, drinking and occasional smoking). Other people’s kids could go through a more harsh time in school, bullying, drugs and even worse trouble.

Since Cam´s parents were well educated folks they also knew that there was always the slight chance that things more horrific than that could occur. They would have to be careful, moving to a new place was always a breeding ground for a kid’s falling out with their parents. At least, Cam´s parents had read, according to the experts who studied these things.

But now there was something else
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The lonely hearted

help, either with some promotion or even some practical advice to improve my writing.

Ellie would laugh her socks off if she could hear these thoughts. Ask her about Bren and she could reel off a dozen stories of drunken embarrassment, missed dates, disappointments and silences which were uncomfortable for me, but of which he was oblivious as he dozed behind his dark glasses.

Grrrr! The fury rises up in me again. Why do I do this? Every time I start to calm down my thoughts fall back into a pattern of all the times I should have asserted myself, all the times I should have called an end to his casual treatment of me. Why did I allow myself to be put through it all, only to be cast aside? Why am I unable to function as a complete, individual person? Why can't I stop shackling myself to unsuitable other halves? Oh I'm sick of myself today.

Okay it's time to get some perspective, this is unhealthy and my head space is starting to turn toxic. Ellie - I need to call her.
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