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The right man

The noise in front of us caused me to tell the men to find cover and not make any noise. As we all hit the ground behind trees I saw Corporal Evans hurrying toward us from the thicket of trees just ahead. I waited for him and when he got close he began to tell me that there was a small patrol of the enemy just ahead and they were headed this way. He asked what we should do at this point. I told him to find cover and we would wait and see where these soldiers were headed.

LADIES! It's Business as Usual

The free ice cream trucks (pulled by eunuchs) were being rolled out and the men were gearing up for their yearly high-heel-kicking session. I’m Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss, and in 23 years I’ve learned one thing. You never know what is gonna come through that door.


The designer baby was more or less like a normal baby, except instead of growing older it simply moved on to wearing progressively taller stilts every year. Also of note was its peculiar hairstyle, which had been shaped with various gels and pomades to form an effigy of a crucified man. It also wore a denim jacket with a "DIE CIS SCUM" patch on the back. On the front of its jacket there were various buttons, most of which had drawings of cats or pizza on them.

"2013 called," said the Supreme Overlord, Lesbian Dad. "And she wants her clothes back."

"I'm not OK with your attitude," said Designer Baby.

"Learn to take constructive criticism," said Lesbian Dad.

"That's not constructive, that's just an insult," said Designer Baby.

"I beg pardon?" asked Lesbian Dad.

The audience was confused.

"I think you're a bully," said Designer Baby. "You're afraid of my cool retro outfits and my kickass stilts, so you make fun of me to try to keep me in my place. And I'm not OK with that."
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. My dad is a lesbian and he is also the supreme emperor of the United Earth Confederacy. If you mess with my dad he will send his lesbian shock troops to your house to kick down your door and shoot you. So please do not mess with my dad. Anyways it is International Women's Day now and because of this all women are entitled to one (1) free bowl of ice cream, served on hands and knees by eunuchs who come from a diverse range of ethnic and religious backgrounds. My favourite is Cherry Garcia, and that's what I'm getting today. I'm out on the beach now, I'm having a great time. Thanks to our lesbian overlords summer vacation is 365 days a year now. I think this lesbian world dictatorship was a great idea.
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